Sacred Realm Tango
by MetalExVeemon
Summary: Presenting the Six Merry Murderesses of the Sacred Realm...


**Zelda:** Pluck.

**Nabooru:** Six.

**Malon:** Squish.

**Chicken Lady:** Uh uh.

**Ruto:** Hylia.

**Saria:** Mido.

**Rauro:** _And now, the six merry murderesses of the Sacred Realm, in their rendition of, The Sacred Realm Tango._

**Zelda:** Pluck. . . .

**Nabooru:** Six. . . .

**Malon: **Squish. . . .

**Chicken lady:** Uh uh. . . .

**Ruto:** Hylia. . . .

**Saria:** Mido. . . .

**Zelda:** Pluck!

**Nabooru: **Six!

**Malon:** Squish!

**Chicken lady:** Uh uh!

**Ruto:** Hylia!

**Saria:** Mido!

**Zelda:** _Pluck!_

**Nabooru:** _Six!_

**Malon: **_Squish!_

**Chicken lady:** _Uh uh!_

**Ruto:** _Hylia!_

**Saria:** _Mido!_

**Zelda: **Pluck!

**Nabooru:** Six!

**Malon: **Squish!

**Chicken lady:** Uh uh!

**Ruto:** Hylia!

**Saria:** Mido!

**ALL:** He had it comin'. He had it comin'. He only had himself to blame. Had you'd've been there! Had you'd've seen it!

**Ruto:** I betcha you would have done the same!

**Zelda:** Pluck!

**Nabooru:** Six!

**Malon:** Squish!

**Chicken lady:** Uh uh!

**Ruto:** Hylia!

**Saria:** Mido!

**Zelda:** _Pluck!_

**Nabooru:** _Six!_

**Malon: **_Squish!_

**Chicken lady:** _Uh uh!_

**Ruto:** _Hylia!_

**Saria:**_ Mido!_

**Zelda: **You know how people get these little _habits_ that get you down? Like . . . _Sheik._ Sheik he liked to play the harp. . . . No, not play . . . _pluck_. . . . So I come in from ruling this one day and I'm _really_ irritated and I'm lookin' for a little bit of _sympathy_ . . . and there's Sheik, lyin' on the couch, drinking some milk and playing his harp. . . . No, not playing. . . . _Plucking!_ So I said to him I said, "You pluck that harp _one more time_. . . ." (sigh) and he did. . . . So I took a fairy bow from out of a chest and fired two warnin' shots. . . . into his _head._

**ALL:** He had it comin'!

He had it comin'!

He only had himself to blame!

Had you'd've been there!

Had you'd've _heard_ it!

I betcha you would have done the same!

**Nabooru:** I met Lord Ganondorf from the Gerudo Desert about two years ago. And he told me he was single, and we hit it off right away. So we started livin' together. He'd go out thievin', he'd come home . . . I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner . . . and then I found out. . . . "Single" he told me. Single my silver gauntlets. Not only was he married, oh no . . . he had _six_ wives. He wanted a harem, you know? So that night when he came home from thievin', I fixed him his drink, as usual. . . . Y'know some men just can't hold their_ poes._

**ALL:** He had it comin'!

He had it comin'!

He took a flower in its prime.

And then he used it!

And he abused it!

It was a murder, but not a crime!

**Malon:** Now I'm standin' in the kitchen, carvin' up a cucco for dinner, _mindin'_ my own business, in storms my husband Ingo in a jealous rage. "You've been screwin' a fairy boy!" he says. He was crazy! And he kept on screamin', _"You've been screwin' a fairy boy!"_ . . . and then he ran into my knife. . . . He ran into my knife _ten times._

**ALL:** Had you'd've been there!

Had you'd've seen it!

I betcha you would have done the same!

**Chicken lady:** _(hysterical sobbing and babbling, something about "brother" and "family feud" and "lost woods" and "stalfos" and "little blue pet cucco")_

**Link:** Yeah, but, did you do it?

**Chicken lady:** _(shakes head, her voice choked) _Uh uh. _Not_ _guilty!_

**ALL:**_ (softly)_ He had it comin'. . . .

**Ruto:** My sister Lulu and I had this double act. And my husband Zora-Link traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act we did these twenty aquatic tricks in a row: one, two, three, four, five, dives, spreadeagles, back strokes, flip-flops, one right after the other. So this one night before the show, we're down at the laboratory at Hylia, the three of us . . . _boozin', _havin' a few laughs . . . and we run out of fish, so, I go out to get some. . . . I come back . . . open the door . . . and there's Lulu and Zora-Link, doing number seventeen . . . _the spreadeagle!_

. . . Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out I can't remember a thing. . . . It wasn't until later, when I washing the blood off of my hands I even knew they were _dead._

**Ruto:** They had it comin'!

**Chorus:** They had it comin'!

**Ruto:** They had it comin'!

**Chorus:** They had it comin'!

**Ruto:** They had it comin' _all along! _

**Chorus:** All along!

**Ruto:** I didn't do it!

**Chorus: **She didn't do it!

**Ruto:** But if I done it!

**Chorus:** But if she done it!

**Ruto:** How could you tell me that I was wrong?

They had it comin'!

**Chorus:** They had it comin'!

**Ruto:** They had it comin'!

**Chorus:** They had it comin'!

**Ruto:** They had it comin' all along!

I didn't do it!

**Chorus:** Cuz if they used us!

**Ruto:** But if I done it!

**Chorus: **And they abused us!

**Ruto:** How could yah tell me that I was wrong!

**Saria:** I loved the Great Mido more than I can possibly say. . . . He was a real musical guy, _sensitive,_ a dancer. . . . But he was always trying to find himself. . . . He'd go out every night looking for himself and on the way . . . he found Kokiri-girl#1, Kokiri-girl#2, Kokiri-girl#3, and Kokiri-girl#4. . . . I guess you could say we broke up because of _musical_ differences. . . . He saw himself as alive . . . and I saw him _dead._

**ALL:** The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!

He had it comin'!

He had it comin'!

He had it comin'!

He had it comin'!

He had it comin' all along!

All along!

Cuz if they used us,

cuz if they used us,

and they abused us,

and they abused us,

how could you tell us,

that we were wrong?

He had it comin'!

He had it comin'!

He had it comin'!

He had it comin'!

He had it comin' all along!

All along!

Had you'd've been there,

had you'd've been there,

had you'd've seen it!

I betcha you would have done the same!

**Zelda:** You pluck that harp one more time!

**Nabooru: **Single my silver gauntlets.

**Malon:** Ten times!

**Chicken lady: **His little blue pet cucco. . . .

**Ruto: **Number seventeen, the spreadeagle.

**Saria:** Musical differences.

**Zelda:** Pluck. . . .

**Nabooru: **Six. . . .

**Malon:** Squish. . . .

**Chicken lady:** Uh uh. . . .

**Ruto:** Hylia. . . .

**Saria:** Mido. . . .


End file.
